I don't know what most women envision motherhood to be like, but I am pretty sure it's not what they expect. Motherhood for me was never something I grew up putting in my "what I want to be when I grow up" essays. Now before you get the wrong idea here, let me please clarify; being a mother was something I always knew I would do, it was a part of my being. I just always knew that I would be a mother and someone's partner. Whatever I decided to do in life was always going to be second to motherhood. But I have identity issues with only being a mother. I never wanted to be
identified only as a homemaker. I went to nursing school and earned my
LPN, but being a mother and being needed at home made motherhood as my
only job.
It's a hard job. Dr. Phil said being a full time mother is the
same as having two full time jobs. Now I may not agree with all of Dr.
Phil's views, but he got this one right. I have been a single mom
working to support my three boys and that was so much easier than being a
full time stay at home mom. I imagined motherhood to be hard, fun, challenging,
and most of all rewarding. For the most part that is what I have
experienced. It is certainly not what I am thinking when it's 2:00 in
the morning and one kid is puking, while the baby is crying, and
another kid has a severe cough; but for the most part it is what I
envisioned.
I have a lot of pride and love for each
of my beautiful 6 children. I became a wife and mother at 18 years old
and so there has been many years of cherished moments of being with my
kids over the last 22 years. It is sometimes challenging having such a
age gap between some of the kids but it has turned out better than I
imagined.
I have such respect (and jealousy) for women who tell me all they have ever wanted to be is a mother. I have a very difficult time being home each and every day. I get cabin fever (my mom says it's the Grover side of the family). I wish I was talented like some other mom's I know who do such creative things with their little ones. I am normally counting the hours till my husband gets home so I can hide or take a nap.
Kudo's to all mothers whatever kind of mother you are. It is a noble calling. You don't have to be someone whose given childbirth. There have been wonderful women who have been mother's to my children helping them along in their journey upon the earth and I have been very grateful for their love and sacrifice in serving my family.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
Teachers
One of the tasks left for part of my teacher portfolio has been to write a teaching philosophy. As I have thought about this for almost a month the only thing that kept coming to mind was all the different teachers that have been in my life.
I can remember my primary chorister, Sister Balls in Kent long ago. I remember learning the song "Children All Over The World". If you are not LDS, it's a cute little song that reminds us that we all pray to our Heavenly Father in our own language and way. You can listen to it here: http://www.lds.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/children-all-over-the-world?lang=eng
Why do I remember it, because she brought cool chimes to play during the song. I loved the sound of them. I enjoyed learning the different ways that children said thank you around the world. She tried to give everyone a turn. Because we sang, moved, and chimed I can always remember the words to the song. I hope to use this example of interaction in my classroom someday.
I remember my piano teacher, Sister Cervantes. My mom was a piano teacher but I had a hard time doing what she wanted me to do so she sent me to Mae. She was a lovely, older lady who always made me feel at ease. She knew just how much to challenge me and apply the right amount of reward so I didn't get to cocky. My biggest regret has been that I didn't go to lessons longer. I can play, but I am not as accomplished as I wish I was. I hope that I can teach my students to learn to follow through and become lifelong learners. In my classroom, I want to challenge them so that they can become great.
The one teacher who had the most effect on my life was Mr. King at Covington Elementary. I was very lucky to have him for 5th and 6th grade. He impacted my life in so many ways with one very simple behavior. That behavior was to treat us as equals. He would lay out the rules, consequences, and would tell us that we were responsible for ourselves. He made me feel grown up and not just a student. I felt like a partner in my learning. Another great thing about him was he had a sense of humor. I remember him making a bet with Erica that she couldn't go the whole day without talking. The cost of her failure was his favorite candy bar, a Snickers. Snickers was a good bargaining chip for other things too. He always made me feel important. He taught me that it was okay that I was younger than the other kids, gave me confidence to try out for the school play, and that I was perfect just the way I was and I didn't need to prove that to anyone. I hope that in my classroom someday I can give my students a lift in their self esteem, help relieve the burdens they may carry and encourage them to be the best person that they are; not what anyone else pigeonholes them into being. I also think I will frame a Snickers bar wrapper and hang it up in my classroom to remind me teachers do touch lives, even if it's just one.
I have been blessed by many people who have held the title of teacher in my life. Brother Kelly who taught us the words to "I heard the bells on Christmas day" and enlightened me to the gospel as my primary teacher and as my Sunday school teacher. Sister Knutzen (now Black) who gave me my first and only manicure as a young women at an overnight at her house. Ms. Olsen at Sequoia Junior High, that brought the world of Greek mythology to light and made me see that I was really a queen.
I am sure as you think through you life there are many people who have touched and inspired you with their teaching. I hope that you will take a second and thank God for such wonderful people that have been a part of your journey.
I can remember my primary chorister, Sister Balls in Kent long ago. I remember learning the song "Children All Over The World". If you are not LDS, it's a cute little song that reminds us that we all pray to our Heavenly Father in our own language and way. You can listen to it here: http://www.lds.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/children-all-over-the-world?lang=eng
Why do I remember it, because she brought cool chimes to play during the song. I loved the sound of them. I enjoyed learning the different ways that children said thank you around the world. She tried to give everyone a turn. Because we sang, moved, and chimed I can always remember the words to the song. I hope to use this example of interaction in my classroom someday.
I remember my piano teacher, Sister Cervantes. My mom was a piano teacher but I had a hard time doing what she wanted me to do so she sent me to Mae. She was a lovely, older lady who always made me feel at ease. She knew just how much to challenge me and apply the right amount of reward so I didn't get to cocky. My biggest regret has been that I didn't go to lessons longer. I can play, but I am not as accomplished as I wish I was. I hope that I can teach my students to learn to follow through and become lifelong learners. In my classroom, I want to challenge them so that they can become great.
The one teacher who had the most effect on my life was Mr. King at Covington Elementary. I was very lucky to have him for 5th and 6th grade. He impacted my life in so many ways with one very simple behavior. That behavior was to treat us as equals. He would lay out the rules, consequences, and would tell us that we were responsible for ourselves. He made me feel grown up and not just a student. I felt like a partner in my learning. Another great thing about him was he had a sense of humor. I remember him making a bet with Erica that she couldn't go the whole day without talking. The cost of her failure was his favorite candy bar, a Snickers. Snickers was a good bargaining chip for other things too. He always made me feel important. He taught me that it was okay that I was younger than the other kids, gave me confidence to try out for the school play, and that I was perfect just the way I was and I didn't need to prove that to anyone. I hope that in my classroom someday I can give my students a lift in their self esteem, help relieve the burdens they may carry and encourage them to be the best person that they are; not what anyone else pigeonholes them into being. I also think I will frame a Snickers bar wrapper and hang it up in my classroom to remind me teachers do touch lives, even if it's just one.
I have been blessed by many people who have held the title of teacher in my life. Brother Kelly who taught us the words to "I heard the bells on Christmas day" and enlightened me to the gospel as my primary teacher and as my Sunday school teacher. Sister Knutzen (now Black) who gave me my first and only manicure as a young women at an overnight at her house. Ms. Olsen at Sequoia Junior High, that brought the world of Greek mythology to light and made me see that I was really a queen.
I am sure as you think through you life there are many people who have touched and inspired you with their teaching. I hope that you will take a second and thank God for such wonderful people that have been a part of your journey.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Just like my mother.
Earlier this week I posted a tidbit on facebook about how I am saying things that used to come out of my mother's mouth. A good friend commented "mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all". That got me thinking about all the things in my life that have been influenced or came directly from being my mother's daughter.
The first thing is that I am always cold. Growing up I don't remember being so cold but I do remember making fun of my mother who was always hiding out in the bathtub. (According to my dad she still complains of being cold in Mesquite, Nevada and can be found hiding in the tub when it's 80 degrees). Now I am always freezing and have to wear socks and a sweater. At night, my husband understands that it is his sole job in our marriage to be my bed warmer and to not scream when I put my cold feet on him.
The second thing is my love of reading. You can find me reading a book of some sort every time I get a break from my kids. My mom was (and probably still is) a big romance book fan. I remember her dragging us to every thrift shop in Kent to get the novels for 10 cents. She even had a little notebook she carried in her purse to keep track of the numbers so she bought only ones she didn't have. Once when us kids were younger, we were sitting around mom (who's favorite spot was next to our wood stove. See #1 above) who was reading one of her novels as we were hanging out. Mom got up and walked out of the room and my brother, Ric, switched the book. I will never forget how my mother came back, picked up her book and sat down and just kept reading. After about 10 minutes we couldn't stop laughing. I am grateful that she read books, scriptures, and magazines in front of me so I could learn to love it too.
The third thing is I am starting to understand the appeal of a "mu-mu" (spelling?). Over the summer I bought a long, knit dress that has become my go to morning apparel. I can always remember my mom getting home and ripping off her clothes and putting on her Hawaiian patterned mu mu. At least she's been to Hawaii. I don't have that excuse.
Other similarities we share include: Cheesecake, cream cheese on Ritz crackers, See's candies, hiding coke under the bed, feeling like a failure as a mother, and having given birth to 6 kids.
I don't know how it happened because I swore it never would, but I am grateful to be like my mom. She's a been a great, wonderful, and patient example of a woman.
The first thing is that I am always cold. Growing up I don't remember being so cold but I do remember making fun of my mother who was always hiding out in the bathtub. (According to my dad she still complains of being cold in Mesquite, Nevada and can be found hiding in the tub when it's 80 degrees). Now I am always freezing and have to wear socks and a sweater. At night, my husband understands that it is his sole job in our marriage to be my bed warmer and to not scream when I put my cold feet on him.
The second thing is my love of reading. You can find me reading a book of some sort every time I get a break from my kids. My mom was (and probably still is) a big romance book fan. I remember her dragging us to every thrift shop in Kent to get the novels for 10 cents. She even had a little notebook she carried in her purse to keep track of the numbers so she bought only ones she didn't have. Once when us kids were younger, we were sitting around mom (who's favorite spot was next to our wood stove. See #1 above) who was reading one of her novels as we were hanging out. Mom got up and walked out of the room and my brother, Ric, switched the book. I will never forget how my mother came back, picked up her book and sat down and just kept reading. After about 10 minutes we couldn't stop laughing. I am grateful that she read books, scriptures, and magazines in front of me so I could learn to love it too.
The third thing is I am starting to understand the appeal of a "mu-mu" (spelling?). Over the summer I bought a long, knit dress that has become my go to morning apparel. I can always remember my mom getting home and ripping off her clothes and putting on her Hawaiian patterned mu mu. At least she's been to Hawaii. I don't have that excuse.
Other similarities we share include: Cheesecake, cream cheese on Ritz crackers, See's candies, hiding coke under the bed, feeling like a failure as a mother, and having given birth to 6 kids.
I don't know how it happened because I swore it never would, but I am grateful to be like my mom. She's a been a great, wonderful, and patient example of a woman.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Just checking in.......
The time just keeps flying in our household. Personally, I can't believe that Ruby started kindergarten and that Alora will start this fall. Kyle is getting closer to finishing high school and turning 18. Brett will be 12 in just a few days and Ross is one, big, sweet, adorable toddler. Chris celebrated his one year anniversary at his new job and I started my teaching program at WGU.
2013 has for me been a difficult one. One reason why is because I have anxiety. I don't really tell people about my anxiety problem unless I really have to. I didn't develop anxiety until about 7-8 years ago due to a violent situation where I was a victim. (I will not explain the situation so don't ask!). The result has been a lingering anxiety in certain situations and some OCD that has been quite challenging. I have improved over the years but a couple of certain situations this year has left me hurt, isolated and unable to move forward. I inadvertently made some people upset because they didn't understand my anxiety and they said some unkind things. I am hoping that the new year will bring the spirit of forgiveness into my heart and allow me to start moving forward. Some days I can only function in minutes and I have to break things down into "small, attainable goals" (thank you Woodbadge). It is a conscience effort everyday to get up and do what I have to do and hopefully I will continue to therapeutically get through it.
I always enjoyed New Years Eve and for several years would have the tradition of writing in my journal about the events of the previous year and the goals for the upcoming year. I wish I could amaze you with a list of current goals for this year, but I am still just trying to keep my head about water and just getting through the days one minute at a time.
2013 has for me been a difficult one. One reason why is because I have anxiety. I don't really tell people about my anxiety problem unless I really have to. I didn't develop anxiety until about 7-8 years ago due to a violent situation where I was a victim. (I will not explain the situation so don't ask!). The result has been a lingering anxiety in certain situations and some OCD that has been quite challenging. I have improved over the years but a couple of certain situations this year has left me hurt, isolated and unable to move forward. I inadvertently made some people upset because they didn't understand my anxiety and they said some unkind things. I am hoping that the new year will bring the spirit of forgiveness into my heart and allow me to start moving forward. Some days I can only function in minutes and I have to break things down into "small, attainable goals" (thank you Woodbadge). It is a conscience effort everyday to get up and do what I have to do and hopefully I will continue to therapeutically get through it.
I always enjoyed New Years Eve and for several years would have the tradition of writing in my journal about the events of the previous year and the goals for the upcoming year. I wish I could amaze you with a list of current goals for this year, but I am still just trying to keep my head about water and just getting through the days one minute at a time.
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