Things have been quite busy. I am back to work, our family was hit by an awful viral flu, and we have been trying to make decisions about our future.
We have decided that we would like to pull our kids out and school them at home starting this fall. When we looked at what we wanted for our family, we realized that we can accomplish much more if we keep them home and work together. It has been very enlightening to be a elementary school teacher this past year, and I have learned a lot. After seeing the inner workings, I have a new respect for public school employees. They work extremely hard. But I discovered two things: it is not for my children and it is not for me.
After a lot of prayer and pondering, I really have felt impressed that this is the right direction for my children. After a classroom of 26 children, I can now focus my efforts on only 3. That feels pretty amazing to be able dedicate my time to their learning and being a forever family.
This choice is right for us. I know it will help us raise our family and give them exactly what they need. I know we will be blessed and that feels pretty awesome.
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Spending a Lifetime Decision #1
Today will be my post op appointment and I am pretty sure it will all go well. Not expecting to hear anything scary, only that healing is going well and I can return to work.
So I made my first decision in shifting my life from "working for a lifetime" to "spending a lifetime". That is to not return to full time teaching in the Fall. I enjoy teaching, but the environment of a public school just isn't for me. I may do substituting or find something part time. I may even go back to finish my masters degree, who knows?
The biggest reason I have chosen to not return is so I can be with my family. It has been quite difficult to have me working days (and nights) and Chris working nights (and days). We are not accomplishing the goals we want for our family. Yes, it is nice to have a second income, but we have found that having a second income is causing more problems than it is solving.
Other reasons for not be returning include the possibility of my MIL moving in within the next few months and also homeschooling our kiddo's (but that's another decision I will talk about soon).
A big thank you to all those who have offered prayers, good thoughts, and reached out during the past few weeks. It has supported us through such a scary time. I may go forward with the genetic counseling and may be opting to have the double mastectomy to prevent any further recurrences.
XOXO, LynAnn
So I made my first decision in shifting my life from "working for a lifetime" to "spending a lifetime". That is to not return to full time teaching in the Fall. I enjoy teaching, but the environment of a public school just isn't for me. I may do substituting or find something part time. I may even go back to finish my masters degree, who knows?
The biggest reason I have chosen to not return is so I can be with my family. It has been quite difficult to have me working days (and nights) and Chris working nights (and days). We are not accomplishing the goals we want for our family. Yes, it is nice to have a second income, but we have found that having a second income is causing more problems than it is solving.
Other reasons for not be returning include the possibility of my MIL moving in within the next few months and also homeschooling our kiddo's (but that's another decision I will talk about soon).
A big thank you to all those who have offered prayers, good thoughts, and reached out during the past few weeks. It has supported us through such a scary time. I may go forward with the genetic counseling and may be opting to have the double mastectomy to prevent any further recurrences.
XOXO, LynAnn
Friday, January 27, 2017
Working a lifetime VS Spending a lifetime
We all have those times in our lives where certain trials or tribulations induce you to take stock of your current situation. Sometimes while suffering in the trenches we may have an epiphany and will finally make significant, impacting choices. For me, this is how I usually figure out what to do while in the storm. Never before have I experienced the aura before all hell breaks loose.
Recently, while my husband was working a mandatory Saturday night shift, I found myself looking for something to watch on Netflix. I stumbled upon a documentary about minimalism. Many of you may already know I am pretty organized and could even be called a bit OCD. At one point of the film a gentleman said "are you working for a lifetime or spending a lifetime?". I paused, replayed and wrote down his words. The statement resonated through my body and soul and at that moment I grabbed a notebook of my nightstand and made two columns. On one side I wrote "working for a lifetime" and on the other "spending a lifetime". By 1:30am, I had compiled 2 columned pages and several goals for myself and the next steps I would take to achieve them. I really had to ask myself some hard questions about what "I" wanted out of my own life, and not just "what is good for my family....". (That is hard for me to put me first). This week the purpose of these guiding thoughts made itself known. I am facing several big battles at once, some good and some bad.
Usually every year in October (my birth month) I go in for my mammogram. This past October, with a new job and stresses, I decided to postpone. I told myself that mine was fine last year so I could just wait till next year. By Thanksgiving week, I realized there was something not right with my breast. I called the breast clinic and made my appointment for the Christmas break. Not long after the appointment I was asked to make another appointment for a complete diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound, so I made one in February. While visiting with my PCP, she insisted that I was already under enough stress and why add this terrible wait to it. She called the clinic and had them bump it up to today.
You may or may not know that my mother is a breast cancer survivor, TWICE! She lost her 1st breast when I was still in high school. She had been very lucky because a form letter came from their medical plan one day encouraging women over 50 to have a mammogram. My mom decided this was a good idea and called the number. The 1st appointment was 2 months OUT! But my mom had no symptoms or indication of anything being wrong. When she finally got in, cancer was found in her milk ducts and into her lymph nodes. My mother courageously endured surgery to remove her breast and lymph nodes. They refused her request to remove the other breast. She went through chemotherapy and taught me that it was my responsibility to be aware of my breast health, especially after my grandmother was diagnosed in her 80's with breast cancer. My mom about 4 years ago at the age of 79 was finally able to get her other breast removed, when they found 3-4 new spots of cancer beginning to grow.
Today it was determined that I need a biopsy. Could be benign but lets know for sure, right?
In those moments as I walked out to my van today, holding back tears till I was safely inside, it became abundantly clear why I need to "spend a lifetime".
As time progresses, I will be implementing the small, attainable goals (thank you woodbadge) that I made for myself a few weeks ago. I know that these goals will put me where I TRULY would like to be. I hope by doing these things step by step that it will become permanent and meaningful. I know that I want a life that was well spent and as purposeful as can be.
Prayers are always appreciated as my family navigates this and other burdens recently put upon us. It has been a week of doom and gloom, but I am confident that my loving family and I will get through it.
Happy thoughts :)
Recently, while my husband was working a mandatory Saturday night shift, I found myself looking for something to watch on Netflix. I stumbled upon a documentary about minimalism. Many of you may already know I am pretty organized and could even be called a bit OCD. At one point of the film a gentleman said "are you working for a lifetime or spending a lifetime?". I paused, replayed and wrote down his words. The statement resonated through my body and soul and at that moment I grabbed a notebook of my nightstand and made two columns. On one side I wrote "working for a lifetime" and on the other "spending a lifetime". By 1:30am, I had compiled 2 columned pages and several goals for myself and the next steps I would take to achieve them. I really had to ask myself some hard questions about what "I" wanted out of my own life, and not just "what is good for my family....". (That is hard for me to put me first). This week the purpose of these guiding thoughts made itself known. I am facing several big battles at once, some good and some bad.
Usually every year in October (my birth month) I go in for my mammogram. This past October, with a new job and stresses, I decided to postpone. I told myself that mine was fine last year so I could just wait till next year. By Thanksgiving week, I realized there was something not right with my breast. I called the breast clinic and made my appointment for the Christmas break. Not long after the appointment I was asked to make another appointment for a complete diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound, so I made one in February. While visiting with my PCP, she insisted that I was already under enough stress and why add this terrible wait to it. She called the clinic and had them bump it up to today.
You may or may not know that my mother is a breast cancer survivor, TWICE! She lost her 1st breast when I was still in high school. She had been very lucky because a form letter came from their medical plan one day encouraging women over 50 to have a mammogram. My mom decided this was a good idea and called the number. The 1st appointment was 2 months OUT! But my mom had no symptoms or indication of anything being wrong. When she finally got in, cancer was found in her milk ducts and into her lymph nodes. My mother courageously endured surgery to remove her breast and lymph nodes. They refused her request to remove the other breast. She went through chemotherapy and taught me that it was my responsibility to be aware of my breast health, especially after my grandmother was diagnosed in her 80's with breast cancer. My mom about 4 years ago at the age of 79 was finally able to get her other breast removed, when they found 3-4 new spots of cancer beginning to grow.
Today it was determined that I need a biopsy. Could be benign but lets know for sure, right?
In those moments as I walked out to my van today, holding back tears till I was safely inside, it became abundantly clear why I need to "spend a lifetime".
As time progresses, I will be implementing the small, attainable goals (thank you woodbadge) that I made for myself a few weeks ago. I know that these goals will put me where I TRULY would like to be. I hope by doing these things step by step that it will become permanent and meaningful. I know that I want a life that was well spent and as purposeful as can be.
Prayers are always appreciated as my family navigates this and other burdens recently put upon us. It has been a week of doom and gloom, but I am confident that my loving family and I will get through it.
Happy thoughts :)
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Back in the Mommy Saddle Again.
Well it has been a long time without posting and here is why. I had to return to full time employment after my son, Keith, sliced his fingers off in an accident. It's amazing how expensive delicate hand surgeons are. I about had a heart attack the first time I saw the office visit bill. $2500 he bills to my insurance company! I won't even tell you what he billed for the 5 hour surgery. AMAZING! But the man did save my son's fingers and left him with more mobility in them than expected. My son, Kyle, left for the military and is currently stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina. Brett is now officially a teenager, Ruby hit First Grade, Alora started kindergarten and Ross is almost a preschooler.
Working while having 5 kids at home is not that easy. Luckily I have an amazing husband that helped out at home any way he could. But changes in our life means he will not be able to be as involved and I have had to make some decisions for me that I may not have made otherwise.
As of February 17th, my husband will move to the swing/night shift. This meant for me that I needed to figure out what to do. I am still attending school for my bachlors degree through Western Governor's University and am currently only 27 CU's from my student teaching. (I did 31 CU's in my first term at WGU and 19 in my second term to put that in perspective). The student teaching cohorts only are available for September and January each year but I have to finish all these credits to make it in. Trying to work, be mom, and attend school meant something has to give. So I have chosen to not work full time anymore (much to my co-workers chagrin) and focus on my schooling during the weekdays.
This means getting kids up, making breakfast, brushing hair, getting kids off to on off of buses, changing diapers, managing tantrums, cooking real lunches and dinners, talking to school counselors, cleaning house, trips to the grocery store, and all the rest of the regular stay at home mommy stuff while trying to finish assignments, attend webinars, and knock out research. I am hoping to make the January 2016 cohort which means I need to really get my butt in gear. I am going to keep working on just Saturdays for now and see how that goes.
At least I have my trusty chocolate bar sidekicks to see me through it all.
YEE HAW!!!
Working while having 5 kids at home is not that easy. Luckily I have an amazing husband that helped out at home any way he could. But changes in our life means he will not be able to be as involved and I have had to make some decisions for me that I may not have made otherwise.
As of February 17th, my husband will move to the swing/night shift. This meant for me that I needed to figure out what to do. I am still attending school for my bachlors degree through Western Governor's University and am currently only 27 CU's from my student teaching. (I did 31 CU's in my first term at WGU and 19 in my second term to put that in perspective). The student teaching cohorts only are available for September and January each year but I have to finish all these credits to make it in. Trying to work, be mom, and attend school meant something has to give. So I have chosen to not work full time anymore (much to my co-workers chagrin) and focus on my schooling during the weekdays.
This means getting kids up, making breakfast, brushing hair, getting kids off to on off of buses, changing diapers, managing tantrums, cooking real lunches and dinners, talking to school counselors, cleaning house, trips to the grocery store, and all the rest of the regular stay at home mommy stuff while trying to finish assignments, attend webinars, and knock out research. I am hoping to make the January 2016 cohort which means I need to really get my butt in gear. I am going to keep working on just Saturdays for now and see how that goes.
At least I have my trusty chocolate bar sidekicks to see me through it all.
YEE HAW!!!
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Project #1: Kitchen
I am going to be doing some updating all around my house over the next year or so and for my first project I have decided to do a modest update on our kitchen. I am going to try and keep the cost under $1500. I love the philosophy of using what you have so in this makeover I am going to keep the cabinets, except replace the broken drawer base, and the pulls, knobs, and hinges which I will paint. To be replaced: the floor and the countertop. I will also add a backsplash. I plan on doing most or all of the work. I will be salvaging materials at a couple of my favorite haunts: Second Use and Habitat for Humanity stores.
Here are the before's, I will post some updates of my progress.
If you have any thoughts or suggestions let me know.
Here are the before's, I will post some updates of my progress.
Monday, February 3, 2014
No Hot Mustard......
Last week I was hit with the news that my McDonald's no longer had hot mustard sauce. For over 20 years I have had hot mustard sauce with my fries (yes, not my nuggets). It is breaking my heart that it has been discontinued. Before you start thinking I am such a whiner, there are really reasons why it hurts.
It all starts when my first boy, Keith, was about 1 years old. We lived within walking distance of the McDonald's in town. We were pretty poor at the time, so when I saved up enough quarters to buy a two cheeseburger meal for $2.99 ($3.24 with tax) we would walk down to the McDonald's. There was a little playground and we would share the little meal. One day they were out of ketchup and knowing that Keith liked to dip his fries, I grabbed a hot mustard sauce (this was when they left the sauces out in a container and you could choose whatever you wanted instead of having to beg at the counter). To my astonishment, he loved it and it turned out so did I. Keith is all grown up now. He is attending college in Ellensburg and probably doesn't remember our little walks to the McDonald's, but I do. They are a sweet, tender memory.
When I was going through a really rough patch in my life, hot mustard sauce was involved there too. We had moved to Enumclaw where I didn't know anybody and was having a hard time fitting in. Not only that, my now ex-husband had told me he didn't love me anymore but didn't want to get divorced. Here I was with three boys, no support system, and was terribly unhappy. My ex worked two jobs and sometimes didn't get home till 8-9pm. When he would get home I would jump in the car and head down to the McDonald's and order a large coke, fries, and hot mustard sauce. I would sit in my car in the parking lot listening to melancholy music and would try to find the strength to make it through one more day. It was a very trying time.
I know everyone isn't a big fan of McDonald's, and though it isn't the fine dining that some of us crave it has been there for me in some of the darkest times of my life. Even today my husband knows that if I am parked in the driveway and haven't come in yet that I am most likely outside sipping on a large coke and fires with hot mustard sauce. It may not be healthy to have this kind of connection to a food in making myself feel better, but it certainly has been cheaper than some of the therapy I have paid for with often better results.
When my family goes to pick up anything at McDonald's for me, they know the golden rule is don't forget mom's hot mustard sauce. Well, at least now they won't have to get the stink eye for forgetting.
It all starts when my first boy, Keith, was about 1 years old. We lived within walking distance of the McDonald's in town. We were pretty poor at the time, so when I saved up enough quarters to buy a two cheeseburger meal for $2.99 ($3.24 with tax) we would walk down to the McDonald's. There was a little playground and we would share the little meal. One day they were out of ketchup and knowing that Keith liked to dip his fries, I grabbed a hot mustard sauce (this was when they left the sauces out in a container and you could choose whatever you wanted instead of having to beg at the counter). To my astonishment, he loved it and it turned out so did I. Keith is all grown up now. He is attending college in Ellensburg and probably doesn't remember our little walks to the McDonald's, but I do. They are a sweet, tender memory.
When I was going through a really rough patch in my life, hot mustard sauce was involved there too. We had moved to Enumclaw where I didn't know anybody and was having a hard time fitting in. Not only that, my now ex-husband had told me he didn't love me anymore but didn't want to get divorced. Here I was with three boys, no support system, and was terribly unhappy. My ex worked two jobs and sometimes didn't get home till 8-9pm. When he would get home I would jump in the car and head down to the McDonald's and order a large coke, fries, and hot mustard sauce. I would sit in my car in the parking lot listening to melancholy music and would try to find the strength to make it through one more day. It was a very trying time.
I know everyone isn't a big fan of McDonald's, and though it isn't the fine dining that some of us crave it has been there for me in some of the darkest times of my life. Even today my husband knows that if I am parked in the driveway and haven't come in yet that I am most likely outside sipping on a large coke and fires with hot mustard sauce. It may not be healthy to have this kind of connection to a food in making myself feel better, but it certainly has been cheaper than some of the therapy I have paid for with often better results.
When my family goes to pick up anything at McDonald's for me, they know the golden rule is don't forget mom's hot mustard sauce. Well, at least now they won't have to get the stink eye for forgetting.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Motherhood
I don't know what most women envision motherhood to be like, but I am pretty sure it's not what they expect. Motherhood for me was never something I grew up putting in my "what I want to be when I grow up" essays. Now before you get the wrong idea here, let me please clarify; being a mother was something I always knew I would do, it was a part of my being. I just always knew that I would be a mother and someone's partner. Whatever I decided to do in life was always going to be second to motherhood. But I have identity issues with only being a mother. I never wanted to be
identified only as a homemaker. I went to nursing school and earned my
LPN, but being a mother and being needed at home made motherhood as my
only job.
It's a hard job. Dr. Phil said being a full time mother is the same as having two full time jobs. Now I may not agree with all of Dr. Phil's views, but he got this one right. I have been a single mom working to support my three boys and that was so much easier than being a full time stay at home mom. I imagined motherhood to be hard, fun, challenging, and most of all rewarding. For the most part that is what I have experienced. It is certainly not what I am thinking when it's 2:00 in the morning and one kid is puking, while the baby is crying, and another kid has a severe cough; but for the most part it is what I envisioned.
I have a lot of pride and love for each of my beautiful 6 children. I became a wife and mother at 18 years old and so there has been many years of cherished moments of being with my kids over the last 22 years. It is sometimes challenging having such a age gap between some of the kids but it has turned out better than I imagined.
I have such respect (and jealousy) for women who tell me all they have ever wanted to be is a mother. I have a very difficult time being home each and every day. I get cabin fever (my mom says it's the Grover side of the family). I wish I was talented like some other mom's I know who do such creative things with their little ones. I am normally counting the hours till my husband gets home so I can hide or take a nap.
Kudo's to all mothers whatever kind of mother you are. It is a noble calling. You don't have to be someone whose given childbirth. There have been wonderful women who have been mother's to my children helping them along in their journey upon the earth and I have been very grateful for their love and sacrifice in serving my family.
It's a hard job. Dr. Phil said being a full time mother is the same as having two full time jobs. Now I may not agree with all of Dr. Phil's views, but he got this one right. I have been a single mom working to support my three boys and that was so much easier than being a full time stay at home mom. I imagined motherhood to be hard, fun, challenging, and most of all rewarding. For the most part that is what I have experienced. It is certainly not what I am thinking when it's 2:00 in the morning and one kid is puking, while the baby is crying, and another kid has a severe cough; but for the most part it is what I envisioned.
I have a lot of pride and love for each of my beautiful 6 children. I became a wife and mother at 18 years old and so there has been many years of cherished moments of being with my kids over the last 22 years. It is sometimes challenging having such a age gap between some of the kids but it has turned out better than I imagined.
I have such respect (and jealousy) for women who tell me all they have ever wanted to be is a mother. I have a very difficult time being home each and every day. I get cabin fever (my mom says it's the Grover side of the family). I wish I was talented like some other mom's I know who do such creative things with their little ones. I am normally counting the hours till my husband gets home so I can hide or take a nap.
Kudo's to all mothers whatever kind of mother you are. It is a noble calling. You don't have to be someone whose given childbirth. There have been wonderful women who have been mother's to my children helping them along in their journey upon the earth and I have been very grateful for their love and sacrifice in serving my family.
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