November is a hard month. November is the month my brother died. I am okay all through October, but when the calendar switches over and I see the word "November" on the top it makes my heart sink.
There are a lot of things that I have beaten myself up for the last 17 years for not doing before he passed. I don't imagine that I will ever stop punishing myself and feel at peace about it. But after working through my grief these long years I have learned several lessons.
Lesson #1: Your family is your family. I know sometimes we may wish for the "Brady Bunch" version instead of the "Married with Children" one but they are who they are. I may get along with them sometimes and I may not. But they are who I want to be with and have around me.
Lesson #2: It can be too late. I didn't say the words I should've, could've, and wished I had. I should've told him I loved him when I could. I was angry with him. I was hurt. I wasn't brave enough to sweep history aside and just encircle my arms around him. I tell my family now how much I love them. Every conversation with my husband, playing around with my kids, or talking to my mom and dad on the phone. I don't want to ever add to my pain of not telling Ross what an idiot I was or whatever else he needed to hear from me.
Lesson #3: You have to move forward. During my brother's sickness and passing I just gave up at home. I was so depressed and honestly I was ready to give up. It hurt so much and I began to ignore the things in my life that needed to be done. I didn't want to cook, clean, or even deal with my 2 children. I only wanted to sit at the piano and play melancholy tunes all day. I can't even remember what Thanksgiving or Christmas was like that year. I was in a dark place. But I eventually realized I had to pull it together. I had to move one foot in front of the other no matter what. I couldn't stay in that stagnant pattern. I am by no means saying you can't grieve but rather there is a time where you can't let it control or manage your life.
Lesson #4: Heavenly Father and Jesus do understand my feelings. In my darkest moments right after Ross' passing and sometimes even now, I will doubt that Heavenly Father can truly understand how I am feeling. But then I think about the things that Jesus experienced here on earth, and I am comforted that he knows exactly how I am feeling. I think of the story of Lazarus. I think of how he must have felt upon hearing of Lazurus' death. When I do that, I know he feels my pain. I know that he has experienced the same hurt and pain I have inside. I know he had the power to raise Lazurus from the dead just as God will use that power again for me and for my brother someday.
I wish I could continue, but my tears are unable to stop at this point. I am going to go have a good cry and thank my Heavenly Father for the eternal family that I have. If there is any lesson worth learning it is the one where you learn about the plan of salvation and that families are forever.
Be kind, be humble, say "I love you", and don't let those moments pass where you don't say what you should've said.
LynAnn
Monday, November 6, 2017
Monday, October 23, 2017
Spending a Lifetime Update
We are homeschooling. We have been homeschooling since June. Our original decision was to only school the younger kids, but soon our 15 year old son wanted to also. We have kind of nicknamed our little group "Holmes School".
Most people seem amazed when I tell them we are homeschooling our 4 children. My response is that it is a lot easier than teaching 26 little third graders any day!! Hands down this has been the BEST decision ever.
I am grateful for the women/mothers in my life who I watched homeschool. My sister in law, Ann, has been the most influential. Watching her children blossom and grow under her tutelage has been an incredible example and inspiration. My other sister in law, Katrina, also homeschooled during her high school years and her decision has also been an inspiration to me. There has been an outpouring of encouragement from places I would have never expected too. People at Chris' work, our family doctor, and other families and friends.
I am so grateful that the Lord guided me through this process. He led me to different curriculum that are engaging and beautiful to teach my children from. I love how we can go deeper into our learning. We have had several opportunities to do, see, participate in things they never would've been able to before. The connections my children have been able to make to what they have been studying is exciting to be a part of.
The best thing has been the JOY I feel. I feel JOY getting up each day and guiding my children through their learning. I feel JOY when I see my children ages 15, 9, 8, and 5 playing together and having fun. I feel JOY as I work with my 5 year old who has some special needs and realize he never would've had one on one in the public school setting. I feel JOY in each of my child's successes. I feel JOY when we take a field trip and extend our lessons outside our "classroom".
I am so blessed. I am overcome with the feeling that what I am doing is the exact right choice for our family. There are hard days and easy days but mostly we have days filled with joy, learning and peace. I am so lucky to have a husband that supports this decision 100%.
Most people seem amazed when I tell them we are homeschooling our 4 children. My response is that it is a lot easier than teaching 26 little third graders any day!! Hands down this has been the BEST decision ever.
I am grateful for the women/mothers in my life who I watched homeschool. My sister in law, Ann, has been the most influential. Watching her children blossom and grow under her tutelage has been an incredible example and inspiration. My other sister in law, Katrina, also homeschooled during her high school years and her decision has also been an inspiration to me. There has been an outpouring of encouragement from places I would have never expected too. People at Chris' work, our family doctor, and other families and friends.
I am so grateful that the Lord guided me through this process. He led me to different curriculum that are engaging and beautiful to teach my children from. I love how we can go deeper into our learning. We have had several opportunities to do, see, participate in things they never would've been able to before. The connections my children have been able to make to what they have been studying is exciting to be a part of.
The best thing has been the JOY I feel. I feel JOY getting up each day and guiding my children through their learning. I feel JOY when I see my children ages 15, 9, 8, and 5 playing together and having fun. I feel JOY as I work with my 5 year old who has some special needs and realize he never would've had one on one in the public school setting. I feel JOY in each of my child's successes. I feel JOY when we take a field trip and extend our lessons outside our "classroom".
I am so blessed. I am overcome with the feeling that what I am doing is the exact right choice for our family. There are hard days and easy days but mostly we have days filled with joy, learning and peace. I am so lucky to have a husband that supports this decision 100%.
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
Spending a Lifetime Decision #2
Things have been quite busy. I am back to work, our family was hit by an awful viral flu, and we have been trying to make decisions about our future.
We have decided that we would like to pull our kids out and school them at home starting this fall. When we looked at what we wanted for our family, we realized that we can accomplish much more if we keep them home and work together. It has been very enlightening to be a elementary school teacher this past year, and I have learned a lot. After seeing the inner workings, I have a new respect for public school employees. They work extremely hard. But I discovered two things: it is not for my children and it is not for me.
After a lot of prayer and pondering, I really have felt impressed that this is the right direction for my children. After a classroom of 26 children, I can now focus my efforts on only 3. That feels pretty amazing to be able dedicate my time to their learning and being a forever family.
This choice is right for us. I know it will help us raise our family and give them exactly what they need. I know we will be blessed and that feels pretty awesome.
We have decided that we would like to pull our kids out and school them at home starting this fall. When we looked at what we wanted for our family, we realized that we can accomplish much more if we keep them home and work together. It has been very enlightening to be a elementary school teacher this past year, and I have learned a lot. After seeing the inner workings, I have a new respect for public school employees. They work extremely hard. But I discovered two things: it is not for my children and it is not for me.
After a lot of prayer and pondering, I really have felt impressed that this is the right direction for my children. After a classroom of 26 children, I can now focus my efforts on only 3. That feels pretty amazing to be able dedicate my time to their learning and being a forever family.
This choice is right for us. I know it will help us raise our family and give them exactly what they need. I know we will be blessed and that feels pretty awesome.
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Spending a Lifetime Decision #1
Today will be my post op appointment and I am pretty sure it will all go well. Not expecting to hear anything scary, only that healing is going well and I can return to work.
So I made my first decision in shifting my life from "working for a lifetime" to "spending a lifetime". That is to not return to full time teaching in the Fall. I enjoy teaching, but the environment of a public school just isn't for me. I may do substituting or find something part time. I may even go back to finish my masters degree, who knows?
The biggest reason I have chosen to not return is so I can be with my family. It has been quite difficult to have me working days (and nights) and Chris working nights (and days). We are not accomplishing the goals we want for our family. Yes, it is nice to have a second income, but we have found that having a second income is causing more problems than it is solving.
Other reasons for not be returning include the possibility of my MIL moving in within the next few months and also homeschooling our kiddo's (but that's another decision I will talk about soon).
A big thank you to all those who have offered prayers, good thoughts, and reached out during the past few weeks. It has supported us through such a scary time. I may go forward with the genetic counseling and may be opting to have the double mastectomy to prevent any further recurrences.
XOXO, LynAnn
So I made my first decision in shifting my life from "working for a lifetime" to "spending a lifetime". That is to not return to full time teaching in the Fall. I enjoy teaching, but the environment of a public school just isn't for me. I may do substituting or find something part time. I may even go back to finish my masters degree, who knows?
The biggest reason I have chosen to not return is so I can be with my family. It has been quite difficult to have me working days (and nights) and Chris working nights (and days). We are not accomplishing the goals we want for our family. Yes, it is nice to have a second income, but we have found that having a second income is causing more problems than it is solving.
Other reasons for not be returning include the possibility of my MIL moving in within the next few months and also homeschooling our kiddo's (but that's another decision I will talk about soon).
A big thank you to all those who have offered prayers, good thoughts, and reached out during the past few weeks. It has supported us through such a scary time. I may go forward with the genetic counseling and may be opting to have the double mastectomy to prevent any further recurrences.
XOXO, LynAnn
Friday, January 27, 2017
Working a lifetime VS Spending a lifetime
We all have those times in our lives where certain trials or tribulations induce you to take stock of your current situation. Sometimes while suffering in the trenches we may have an epiphany and will finally make significant, impacting choices. For me, this is how I usually figure out what to do while in the storm. Never before have I experienced the aura before all hell breaks loose.
Recently, while my husband was working a mandatory Saturday night shift, I found myself looking for something to watch on Netflix. I stumbled upon a documentary about minimalism. Many of you may already know I am pretty organized and could even be called a bit OCD. At one point of the film a gentleman said "are you working for a lifetime or spending a lifetime?". I paused, replayed and wrote down his words. The statement resonated through my body and soul and at that moment I grabbed a notebook of my nightstand and made two columns. On one side I wrote "working for a lifetime" and on the other "spending a lifetime". By 1:30am, I had compiled 2 columned pages and several goals for myself and the next steps I would take to achieve them. I really had to ask myself some hard questions about what "I" wanted out of my own life, and not just "what is good for my family....". (That is hard for me to put me first). This week the purpose of these guiding thoughts made itself known. I am facing several big battles at once, some good and some bad.
Usually every year in October (my birth month) I go in for my mammogram. This past October, with a new job and stresses, I decided to postpone. I told myself that mine was fine last year so I could just wait till next year. By Thanksgiving week, I realized there was something not right with my breast. I called the breast clinic and made my appointment for the Christmas break. Not long after the appointment I was asked to make another appointment for a complete diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound, so I made one in February. While visiting with my PCP, she insisted that I was already under enough stress and why add this terrible wait to it. She called the clinic and had them bump it up to today.
You may or may not know that my mother is a breast cancer survivor, TWICE! She lost her 1st breast when I was still in high school. She had been very lucky because a form letter came from their medical plan one day encouraging women over 50 to have a mammogram. My mom decided this was a good idea and called the number. The 1st appointment was 2 months OUT! But my mom had no symptoms or indication of anything being wrong. When she finally got in, cancer was found in her milk ducts and into her lymph nodes. My mother courageously endured surgery to remove her breast and lymph nodes. They refused her request to remove the other breast. She went through chemotherapy and taught me that it was my responsibility to be aware of my breast health, especially after my grandmother was diagnosed in her 80's with breast cancer. My mom about 4 years ago at the age of 79 was finally able to get her other breast removed, when they found 3-4 new spots of cancer beginning to grow.
Today it was determined that I need a biopsy. Could be benign but lets know for sure, right?
In those moments as I walked out to my van today, holding back tears till I was safely inside, it became abundantly clear why I need to "spend a lifetime".
As time progresses, I will be implementing the small, attainable goals (thank you woodbadge) that I made for myself a few weeks ago. I know that these goals will put me where I TRULY would like to be. I hope by doing these things step by step that it will become permanent and meaningful. I know that I want a life that was well spent and as purposeful as can be.
Prayers are always appreciated as my family navigates this and other burdens recently put upon us. It has been a week of doom and gloom, but I am confident that my loving family and I will get through it.
Happy thoughts :)
Recently, while my husband was working a mandatory Saturday night shift, I found myself looking for something to watch on Netflix. I stumbled upon a documentary about minimalism. Many of you may already know I am pretty organized and could even be called a bit OCD. At one point of the film a gentleman said "are you working for a lifetime or spending a lifetime?". I paused, replayed and wrote down his words. The statement resonated through my body and soul and at that moment I grabbed a notebook of my nightstand and made two columns. On one side I wrote "working for a lifetime" and on the other "spending a lifetime". By 1:30am, I had compiled 2 columned pages and several goals for myself and the next steps I would take to achieve them. I really had to ask myself some hard questions about what "I" wanted out of my own life, and not just "what is good for my family....". (That is hard for me to put me first). This week the purpose of these guiding thoughts made itself known. I am facing several big battles at once, some good and some bad.
Usually every year in October (my birth month) I go in for my mammogram. This past October, with a new job and stresses, I decided to postpone. I told myself that mine was fine last year so I could just wait till next year. By Thanksgiving week, I realized there was something not right with my breast. I called the breast clinic and made my appointment for the Christmas break. Not long after the appointment I was asked to make another appointment for a complete diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound, so I made one in February. While visiting with my PCP, she insisted that I was already under enough stress and why add this terrible wait to it. She called the clinic and had them bump it up to today.
You may or may not know that my mother is a breast cancer survivor, TWICE! She lost her 1st breast when I was still in high school. She had been very lucky because a form letter came from their medical plan one day encouraging women over 50 to have a mammogram. My mom decided this was a good idea and called the number. The 1st appointment was 2 months OUT! But my mom had no symptoms or indication of anything being wrong. When she finally got in, cancer was found in her milk ducts and into her lymph nodes. My mother courageously endured surgery to remove her breast and lymph nodes. They refused her request to remove the other breast. She went through chemotherapy and taught me that it was my responsibility to be aware of my breast health, especially after my grandmother was diagnosed in her 80's with breast cancer. My mom about 4 years ago at the age of 79 was finally able to get her other breast removed, when they found 3-4 new spots of cancer beginning to grow.
Today it was determined that I need a biopsy. Could be benign but lets know for sure, right?
In those moments as I walked out to my van today, holding back tears till I was safely inside, it became abundantly clear why I need to "spend a lifetime".
As time progresses, I will be implementing the small, attainable goals (thank you woodbadge) that I made for myself a few weeks ago. I know that these goals will put me where I TRULY would like to be. I hope by doing these things step by step that it will become permanent and meaningful. I know that I want a life that was well spent and as purposeful as can be.
Prayers are always appreciated as my family navigates this and other burdens recently put upon us. It has been a week of doom and gloom, but I am confident that my loving family and I will get through it.
Happy thoughts :)
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Back in the Mommy Saddle Again.
Well it has been a long time without posting and here is why. I had to return to full time employment after my son, Keith, sliced his fingers off in an accident. It's amazing how expensive delicate hand surgeons are. I about had a heart attack the first time I saw the office visit bill. $2500 he bills to my insurance company! I won't even tell you what he billed for the 5 hour surgery. AMAZING! But the man did save my son's fingers and left him with more mobility in them than expected. My son, Kyle, left for the military and is currently stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina. Brett is now officially a teenager, Ruby hit First Grade, Alora started kindergarten and Ross is almost a preschooler.
Working while having 5 kids at home is not that easy. Luckily I have an amazing husband that helped out at home any way he could. But changes in our life means he will not be able to be as involved and I have had to make some decisions for me that I may not have made otherwise.
As of February 17th, my husband will move to the swing/night shift. This meant for me that I needed to figure out what to do. I am still attending school for my bachlors degree through Western Governor's University and am currently only 27 CU's from my student teaching. (I did 31 CU's in my first term at WGU and 19 in my second term to put that in perspective). The student teaching cohorts only are available for September and January each year but I have to finish all these credits to make it in. Trying to work, be mom, and attend school meant something has to give. So I have chosen to not work full time anymore (much to my co-workers chagrin) and focus on my schooling during the weekdays.
This means getting kids up, making breakfast, brushing hair, getting kids off to on off of buses, changing diapers, managing tantrums, cooking real lunches and dinners, talking to school counselors, cleaning house, trips to the grocery store, and all the rest of the regular stay at home mommy stuff while trying to finish assignments, attend webinars, and knock out research. I am hoping to make the January 2016 cohort which means I need to really get my butt in gear. I am going to keep working on just Saturdays for now and see how that goes.
At least I have my trusty chocolate bar sidekicks to see me through it all.
YEE HAW!!!
Working while having 5 kids at home is not that easy. Luckily I have an amazing husband that helped out at home any way he could. But changes in our life means he will not be able to be as involved and I have had to make some decisions for me that I may not have made otherwise.
As of February 17th, my husband will move to the swing/night shift. This meant for me that I needed to figure out what to do. I am still attending school for my bachlors degree through Western Governor's University and am currently only 27 CU's from my student teaching. (I did 31 CU's in my first term at WGU and 19 in my second term to put that in perspective). The student teaching cohorts only are available for September and January each year but I have to finish all these credits to make it in. Trying to work, be mom, and attend school meant something has to give. So I have chosen to not work full time anymore (much to my co-workers chagrin) and focus on my schooling during the weekdays.
This means getting kids up, making breakfast, brushing hair, getting kids off to on off of buses, changing diapers, managing tantrums, cooking real lunches and dinners, talking to school counselors, cleaning house, trips to the grocery store, and all the rest of the regular stay at home mommy stuff while trying to finish assignments, attend webinars, and knock out research. I am hoping to make the January 2016 cohort which means I need to really get my butt in gear. I am going to keep working on just Saturdays for now and see how that goes.
At least I have my trusty chocolate bar sidekicks to see me through it all.
YEE HAW!!!
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Project #1: Kitchen
I am going to be doing some updating all around my house over the next year or so and for my first project I have decided to do a modest update on our kitchen. I am going to try and keep the cost under $1500. I love the philosophy of using what you have so in this makeover I am going to keep the cabinets, except replace the broken drawer base, and the pulls, knobs, and hinges which I will paint. To be replaced: the floor and the countertop. I will also add a backsplash. I plan on doing most or all of the work. I will be salvaging materials at a couple of my favorite haunts: Second Use and Habitat for Humanity stores.
Here are the before's, I will post some updates of my progress.
If you have any thoughts or suggestions let me know.
Here are the before's, I will post some updates of my progress.
Monday, February 3, 2014
No Hot Mustard......
Last week I was hit with the news that my McDonald's no longer had hot mustard sauce. For over 20 years I have had hot mustard sauce with my fries (yes, not my nuggets). It is breaking my heart that it has been discontinued. Before you start thinking I am such a whiner, there are really reasons why it hurts.
It all starts when my first boy, Keith, was about 1 years old. We lived within walking distance of the McDonald's in town. We were pretty poor at the time, so when I saved up enough quarters to buy a two cheeseburger meal for $2.99 ($3.24 with tax) we would walk down to the McDonald's. There was a little playground and we would share the little meal. One day they were out of ketchup and knowing that Keith liked to dip his fries, I grabbed a hot mustard sauce (this was when they left the sauces out in a container and you could choose whatever you wanted instead of having to beg at the counter). To my astonishment, he loved it and it turned out so did I. Keith is all grown up now. He is attending college in Ellensburg and probably doesn't remember our little walks to the McDonald's, but I do. They are a sweet, tender memory.
When I was going through a really rough patch in my life, hot mustard sauce was involved there too. We had moved to Enumclaw where I didn't know anybody and was having a hard time fitting in. Not only that, my now ex-husband had told me he didn't love me anymore but didn't want to get divorced. Here I was with three boys, no support system, and was terribly unhappy. My ex worked two jobs and sometimes didn't get home till 8-9pm. When he would get home I would jump in the car and head down to the McDonald's and order a large coke, fries, and hot mustard sauce. I would sit in my car in the parking lot listening to melancholy music and would try to find the strength to make it through one more day. It was a very trying time.
I know everyone isn't a big fan of McDonald's, and though it isn't the fine dining that some of us crave it has been there for me in some of the darkest times of my life. Even today my husband knows that if I am parked in the driveway and haven't come in yet that I am most likely outside sipping on a large coke and fires with hot mustard sauce. It may not be healthy to have this kind of connection to a food in making myself feel better, but it certainly has been cheaper than some of the therapy I have paid for with often better results.
When my family goes to pick up anything at McDonald's for me, they know the golden rule is don't forget mom's hot mustard sauce. Well, at least now they won't have to get the stink eye for forgetting.
It all starts when my first boy, Keith, was about 1 years old. We lived within walking distance of the McDonald's in town. We were pretty poor at the time, so when I saved up enough quarters to buy a two cheeseburger meal for $2.99 ($3.24 with tax) we would walk down to the McDonald's. There was a little playground and we would share the little meal. One day they were out of ketchup and knowing that Keith liked to dip his fries, I grabbed a hot mustard sauce (this was when they left the sauces out in a container and you could choose whatever you wanted instead of having to beg at the counter). To my astonishment, he loved it and it turned out so did I. Keith is all grown up now. He is attending college in Ellensburg and probably doesn't remember our little walks to the McDonald's, but I do. They are a sweet, tender memory.
When I was going through a really rough patch in my life, hot mustard sauce was involved there too. We had moved to Enumclaw where I didn't know anybody and was having a hard time fitting in. Not only that, my now ex-husband had told me he didn't love me anymore but didn't want to get divorced. Here I was with three boys, no support system, and was terribly unhappy. My ex worked two jobs and sometimes didn't get home till 8-9pm. When he would get home I would jump in the car and head down to the McDonald's and order a large coke, fries, and hot mustard sauce. I would sit in my car in the parking lot listening to melancholy music and would try to find the strength to make it through one more day. It was a very trying time.
I know everyone isn't a big fan of McDonald's, and though it isn't the fine dining that some of us crave it has been there for me in some of the darkest times of my life. Even today my husband knows that if I am parked in the driveway and haven't come in yet that I am most likely outside sipping on a large coke and fires with hot mustard sauce. It may not be healthy to have this kind of connection to a food in making myself feel better, but it certainly has been cheaper than some of the therapy I have paid for with often better results.
When my family goes to pick up anything at McDonald's for me, they know the golden rule is don't forget mom's hot mustard sauce. Well, at least now they won't have to get the stink eye for forgetting.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Motherhood
I don't know what most women envision motherhood to be like, but I am pretty sure it's not what they expect. Motherhood for me was never something I grew up putting in my "what I want to be when I grow up" essays. Now before you get the wrong idea here, let me please clarify; being a mother was something I always knew I would do, it was a part of my being. I just always knew that I would be a mother and someone's partner. Whatever I decided to do in life was always going to be second to motherhood. But I have identity issues with only being a mother. I never wanted to be
identified only as a homemaker. I went to nursing school and earned my
LPN, but being a mother and being needed at home made motherhood as my
only job.
It's a hard job. Dr. Phil said being a full time mother is the same as having two full time jobs. Now I may not agree with all of Dr. Phil's views, but he got this one right. I have been a single mom working to support my three boys and that was so much easier than being a full time stay at home mom. I imagined motherhood to be hard, fun, challenging, and most of all rewarding. For the most part that is what I have experienced. It is certainly not what I am thinking when it's 2:00 in the morning and one kid is puking, while the baby is crying, and another kid has a severe cough; but for the most part it is what I envisioned.
I have a lot of pride and love for each of my beautiful 6 children. I became a wife and mother at 18 years old and so there has been many years of cherished moments of being with my kids over the last 22 years. It is sometimes challenging having such a age gap between some of the kids but it has turned out better than I imagined.
I have such respect (and jealousy) for women who tell me all they have ever wanted to be is a mother. I have a very difficult time being home each and every day. I get cabin fever (my mom says it's the Grover side of the family). I wish I was talented like some other mom's I know who do such creative things with their little ones. I am normally counting the hours till my husband gets home so I can hide or take a nap.
Kudo's to all mothers whatever kind of mother you are. It is a noble calling. You don't have to be someone whose given childbirth. There have been wonderful women who have been mother's to my children helping them along in their journey upon the earth and I have been very grateful for their love and sacrifice in serving my family.
It's a hard job. Dr. Phil said being a full time mother is the same as having two full time jobs. Now I may not agree with all of Dr. Phil's views, but he got this one right. I have been a single mom working to support my three boys and that was so much easier than being a full time stay at home mom. I imagined motherhood to be hard, fun, challenging, and most of all rewarding. For the most part that is what I have experienced. It is certainly not what I am thinking when it's 2:00 in the morning and one kid is puking, while the baby is crying, and another kid has a severe cough; but for the most part it is what I envisioned.
I have a lot of pride and love for each of my beautiful 6 children. I became a wife and mother at 18 years old and so there has been many years of cherished moments of being with my kids over the last 22 years. It is sometimes challenging having such a age gap between some of the kids but it has turned out better than I imagined.
I have such respect (and jealousy) for women who tell me all they have ever wanted to be is a mother. I have a very difficult time being home each and every day. I get cabin fever (my mom says it's the Grover side of the family). I wish I was talented like some other mom's I know who do such creative things with their little ones. I am normally counting the hours till my husband gets home so I can hide or take a nap.
Kudo's to all mothers whatever kind of mother you are. It is a noble calling. You don't have to be someone whose given childbirth. There have been wonderful women who have been mother's to my children helping them along in their journey upon the earth and I have been very grateful for their love and sacrifice in serving my family.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Teachers
One of the tasks left for part of my teacher portfolio has been to write a teaching philosophy. As I have thought about this for almost a month the only thing that kept coming to mind was all the different teachers that have been in my life.
I can remember my primary chorister, Sister Balls in Kent long ago. I remember learning the song "Children All Over The World". If you are not LDS, it's a cute little song that reminds us that we all pray to our Heavenly Father in our own language and way. You can listen to it here: http://www.lds.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/children-all-over-the-world?lang=eng
Why do I remember it, because she brought cool chimes to play during the song. I loved the sound of them. I enjoyed learning the different ways that children said thank you around the world. She tried to give everyone a turn. Because we sang, moved, and chimed I can always remember the words to the song. I hope to use this example of interaction in my classroom someday.
I remember my piano teacher, Sister Cervantes. My mom was a piano teacher but I had a hard time doing what she wanted me to do so she sent me to Mae. She was a lovely, older lady who always made me feel at ease. She knew just how much to challenge me and apply the right amount of reward so I didn't get to cocky. My biggest regret has been that I didn't go to lessons longer. I can play, but I am not as accomplished as I wish I was. I hope that I can teach my students to learn to follow through and become lifelong learners. In my classroom, I want to challenge them so that they can become great.
The one teacher who had the most effect on my life was Mr. King at Covington Elementary. I was very lucky to have him for 5th and 6th grade. He impacted my life in so many ways with one very simple behavior. That behavior was to treat us as equals. He would lay out the rules, consequences, and would tell us that we were responsible for ourselves. He made me feel grown up and not just a student. I felt like a partner in my learning. Another great thing about him was he had a sense of humor. I remember him making a bet with Erica that she couldn't go the whole day without talking. The cost of her failure was his favorite candy bar, a Snickers. Snickers was a good bargaining chip for other things too. He always made me feel important. He taught me that it was okay that I was younger than the other kids, gave me confidence to try out for the school play, and that I was perfect just the way I was and I didn't need to prove that to anyone. I hope that in my classroom someday I can give my students a lift in their self esteem, help relieve the burdens they may carry and encourage them to be the best person that they are; not what anyone else pigeonholes them into being. I also think I will frame a Snickers bar wrapper and hang it up in my classroom to remind me teachers do touch lives, even if it's just one.
I have been blessed by many people who have held the title of teacher in my life. Brother Kelly who taught us the words to "I heard the bells on Christmas day" and enlightened me to the gospel as my primary teacher and as my Sunday school teacher. Sister Knutzen (now Black) who gave me my first and only manicure as a young women at an overnight at her house. Ms. Olsen at Sequoia Junior High, that brought the world of Greek mythology to light and made me see that I was really a queen.
I am sure as you think through you life there are many people who have touched and inspired you with their teaching. I hope that you will take a second and thank God for such wonderful people that have been a part of your journey.
I can remember my primary chorister, Sister Balls in Kent long ago. I remember learning the song "Children All Over The World". If you are not LDS, it's a cute little song that reminds us that we all pray to our Heavenly Father in our own language and way. You can listen to it here: http://www.lds.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/children-all-over-the-world?lang=eng
Why do I remember it, because she brought cool chimes to play during the song. I loved the sound of them. I enjoyed learning the different ways that children said thank you around the world. She tried to give everyone a turn. Because we sang, moved, and chimed I can always remember the words to the song. I hope to use this example of interaction in my classroom someday.
I remember my piano teacher, Sister Cervantes. My mom was a piano teacher but I had a hard time doing what she wanted me to do so she sent me to Mae. She was a lovely, older lady who always made me feel at ease. She knew just how much to challenge me and apply the right amount of reward so I didn't get to cocky. My biggest regret has been that I didn't go to lessons longer. I can play, but I am not as accomplished as I wish I was. I hope that I can teach my students to learn to follow through and become lifelong learners. In my classroom, I want to challenge them so that they can become great.
The one teacher who had the most effect on my life was Mr. King at Covington Elementary. I was very lucky to have him for 5th and 6th grade. He impacted my life in so many ways with one very simple behavior. That behavior was to treat us as equals. He would lay out the rules, consequences, and would tell us that we were responsible for ourselves. He made me feel grown up and not just a student. I felt like a partner in my learning. Another great thing about him was he had a sense of humor. I remember him making a bet with Erica that she couldn't go the whole day without talking. The cost of her failure was his favorite candy bar, a Snickers. Snickers was a good bargaining chip for other things too. He always made me feel important. He taught me that it was okay that I was younger than the other kids, gave me confidence to try out for the school play, and that I was perfect just the way I was and I didn't need to prove that to anyone. I hope that in my classroom someday I can give my students a lift in their self esteem, help relieve the burdens they may carry and encourage them to be the best person that they are; not what anyone else pigeonholes them into being. I also think I will frame a Snickers bar wrapper and hang it up in my classroom to remind me teachers do touch lives, even if it's just one.
I have been blessed by many people who have held the title of teacher in my life. Brother Kelly who taught us the words to "I heard the bells on Christmas day" and enlightened me to the gospel as my primary teacher and as my Sunday school teacher. Sister Knutzen (now Black) who gave me my first and only manicure as a young women at an overnight at her house. Ms. Olsen at Sequoia Junior High, that brought the world of Greek mythology to light and made me see that I was really a queen.
I am sure as you think through you life there are many people who have touched and inspired you with their teaching. I hope that you will take a second and thank God for such wonderful people that have been a part of your journey.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Just like my mother.
Earlier this week I posted a tidbit on facebook about how I am saying things that used to come out of my mother's mouth. A good friend commented "mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all". That got me thinking about all the things in my life that have been influenced or came directly from being my mother's daughter.
The first thing is that I am always cold. Growing up I don't remember being so cold but I do remember making fun of my mother who was always hiding out in the bathtub. (According to my dad she still complains of being cold in Mesquite, Nevada and can be found hiding in the tub when it's 80 degrees). Now I am always freezing and have to wear socks and a sweater. At night, my husband understands that it is his sole job in our marriage to be my bed warmer and to not scream when I put my cold feet on him.
The second thing is my love of reading. You can find me reading a book of some sort every time I get a break from my kids. My mom was (and probably still is) a big romance book fan. I remember her dragging us to every thrift shop in Kent to get the novels for 10 cents. She even had a little notebook she carried in her purse to keep track of the numbers so she bought only ones she didn't have. Once when us kids were younger, we were sitting around mom (who's favorite spot was next to our wood stove. See #1 above) who was reading one of her novels as we were hanging out. Mom got up and walked out of the room and my brother, Ric, switched the book. I will never forget how my mother came back, picked up her book and sat down and just kept reading. After about 10 minutes we couldn't stop laughing. I am grateful that she read books, scriptures, and magazines in front of me so I could learn to love it too.
The third thing is I am starting to understand the appeal of a "mu-mu" (spelling?). Over the summer I bought a long, knit dress that has become my go to morning apparel. I can always remember my mom getting home and ripping off her clothes and putting on her Hawaiian patterned mu mu. At least she's been to Hawaii. I don't have that excuse.
Other similarities we share include: Cheesecake, cream cheese on Ritz crackers, See's candies, hiding coke under the bed, feeling like a failure as a mother, and having given birth to 6 kids.
I don't know how it happened because I swore it never would, but I am grateful to be like my mom. She's a been a great, wonderful, and patient example of a woman.
The first thing is that I am always cold. Growing up I don't remember being so cold but I do remember making fun of my mother who was always hiding out in the bathtub. (According to my dad she still complains of being cold in Mesquite, Nevada and can be found hiding in the tub when it's 80 degrees). Now I am always freezing and have to wear socks and a sweater. At night, my husband understands that it is his sole job in our marriage to be my bed warmer and to not scream when I put my cold feet on him.
The second thing is my love of reading. You can find me reading a book of some sort every time I get a break from my kids. My mom was (and probably still is) a big romance book fan. I remember her dragging us to every thrift shop in Kent to get the novels for 10 cents. She even had a little notebook she carried in her purse to keep track of the numbers so she bought only ones she didn't have. Once when us kids were younger, we were sitting around mom (who's favorite spot was next to our wood stove. See #1 above) who was reading one of her novels as we were hanging out. Mom got up and walked out of the room and my brother, Ric, switched the book. I will never forget how my mother came back, picked up her book and sat down and just kept reading. After about 10 minutes we couldn't stop laughing. I am grateful that she read books, scriptures, and magazines in front of me so I could learn to love it too.
The third thing is I am starting to understand the appeal of a "mu-mu" (spelling?). Over the summer I bought a long, knit dress that has become my go to morning apparel. I can always remember my mom getting home and ripping off her clothes and putting on her Hawaiian patterned mu mu. At least she's been to Hawaii. I don't have that excuse.
Other similarities we share include: Cheesecake, cream cheese on Ritz crackers, See's candies, hiding coke under the bed, feeling like a failure as a mother, and having given birth to 6 kids.
I don't know how it happened because I swore it never would, but I am grateful to be like my mom. She's a been a great, wonderful, and patient example of a woman.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Just checking in.......
The time just keeps flying in our household. Personally, I can't believe that Ruby started kindergarten and that Alora will start this fall. Kyle is getting closer to finishing high school and turning 18. Brett will be 12 in just a few days and Ross is one, big, sweet, adorable toddler. Chris celebrated his one year anniversary at his new job and I started my teaching program at WGU.
2013 has for me been a difficult one. One reason why is because I have anxiety. I don't really tell people about my anxiety problem unless I really have to. I didn't develop anxiety until about 7-8 years ago due to a violent situation where I was a victim. (I will not explain the situation so don't ask!). The result has been a lingering anxiety in certain situations and some OCD that has been quite challenging. I have improved over the years but a couple of certain situations this year has left me hurt, isolated and unable to move forward. I inadvertently made some people upset because they didn't understand my anxiety and they said some unkind things. I am hoping that the new year will bring the spirit of forgiveness into my heart and allow me to start moving forward. Some days I can only function in minutes and I have to break things down into "small, attainable goals" (thank you Woodbadge). It is a conscience effort everyday to get up and do what I have to do and hopefully I will continue to therapeutically get through it.
I always enjoyed New Years Eve and for several years would have the tradition of writing in my journal about the events of the previous year and the goals for the upcoming year. I wish I could amaze you with a list of current goals for this year, but I am still just trying to keep my head about water and just getting through the days one minute at a time.
2013 has for me been a difficult one. One reason why is because I have anxiety. I don't really tell people about my anxiety problem unless I really have to. I didn't develop anxiety until about 7-8 years ago due to a violent situation where I was a victim. (I will not explain the situation so don't ask!). The result has been a lingering anxiety in certain situations and some OCD that has been quite challenging. I have improved over the years but a couple of certain situations this year has left me hurt, isolated and unable to move forward. I inadvertently made some people upset because they didn't understand my anxiety and they said some unkind things. I am hoping that the new year will bring the spirit of forgiveness into my heart and allow me to start moving forward. Some days I can only function in minutes and I have to break things down into "small, attainable goals" (thank you Woodbadge). It is a conscience effort everyday to get up and do what I have to do and hopefully I will continue to therapeutically get through it.
I always enjoyed New Years Eve and for several years would have the tradition of writing in my journal about the events of the previous year and the goals for the upcoming year. I wish I could amaze you with a list of current goals for this year, but I am still just trying to keep my head about water and just getting through the days one minute at a time.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Kids, College and Chocolate (LOTS AND LOTS OF CHOCOLATE)!
I have been for the last 6 years, with my husband's support, a stay at home mom. In the past, I have worked as a nurse, secretary, restaurant worker, babysitter, etc. But I recently had to make some concrete decisions due to the fact that my LPN license now needs working hours along with the CE credits to keep it active. Gone are the days where I just pay my money each year and hope someday I will return to nursing. This has presented quite the challenge. It would be a financial nightmare to try and have me work and have to put kids in daycare. I looked into the option of getting my RN but there are significant challenges since my credits are now too old etc.
So I have decided to pursue a new career. Teaching. It was what I planned on when I was in high school so why not.
I decided to do the double major program (Elem Ed/ECE) through CWU at Highline. I worked with GRCC to register and finish my AA and found out I couldn't attend due to financial aid restrictions. I already maxed out the amount of quarters I can receive aid at GRCC, so I have to go elsewhere.
So I started looking into WGU and the Interdisciplinary Studies degree which is basically Education (K-8). I decided to talk to their staff and after careful consideration applied.
Yesterday I was officially placed on the rolls as accepted into the program for September.
About 1 this morning it hit me.
Am I stupid? Crazy? Loony? Disturbed? Daring? Insane? Mad? Unbalanced? Cracked? Nuts? Silly? Demented? Deranged? Daft? Bizarre? I am thinking I must be all of these things!
How am I going to do this with my 5 kids at home, 1 in college, and the kids I watch for the extra money? I was thinking I thought this all the way through but right now I am not so sure. I am sitting here trying to write this post and have already been up at least 10 times managing kids, phone calls, and snack times. Will I really be able to do school work with all this going on around me? Will I never sleep again?
I wandered the house early this morning and as I was preparing for my day I spied the fudgy brownies I made the other night. You know the really gooey ones with the cocoa frosting and it hit me. CHOCOLATE IS THE ANSWER! I will have lots and lots of chocolate to get me through this. It will support and bear me up in those moments when I think I am going to go ballistic. Dark chocolate, white chocolate, milk chocolate in every way imaginable. All of this I will be able to do with a good Hershey dark chocolate in my freezer.
Scarlett had tomorrow, I have chocolate.
So I have decided to pursue a new career. Teaching. It was what I planned on when I was in high school so why not.
I decided to do the double major program (Elem Ed/ECE) through CWU at Highline. I worked with GRCC to register and finish my AA and found out I couldn't attend due to financial aid restrictions. I already maxed out the amount of quarters I can receive aid at GRCC, so I have to go elsewhere.
So I started looking into WGU and the Interdisciplinary Studies degree which is basically Education (K-8). I decided to talk to their staff and after careful consideration applied.
Yesterday I was officially placed on the rolls as accepted into the program for September.
About 1 this morning it hit me.
Am I stupid? Crazy? Loony? Disturbed? Daring? Insane? Mad? Unbalanced? Cracked? Nuts? Silly? Demented? Deranged? Daft? Bizarre? I am thinking I must be all of these things!
How am I going to do this with my 5 kids at home, 1 in college, and the kids I watch for the extra money? I was thinking I thought this all the way through but right now I am not so sure. I am sitting here trying to write this post and have already been up at least 10 times managing kids, phone calls, and snack times. Will I really be able to do school work with all this going on around me? Will I never sleep again?
I wandered the house early this morning and as I was preparing for my day I spied the fudgy brownies I made the other night. You know the really gooey ones with the cocoa frosting and it hit me. CHOCOLATE IS THE ANSWER! I will have lots and lots of chocolate to get me through this. It will support and bear me up in those moments when I think I am going to go ballistic. Dark chocolate, white chocolate, milk chocolate in every way imaginable. All of this I will be able to do with a good Hershey dark chocolate in my freezer.
Scarlett had tomorrow, I have chocolate.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
5 FREAKING CHILDREN!
Apparently to some I have to many kids. The other night our family trekked into the local Wal-mart to pick up much needed ice cream sundae supplies for Family Home Evening. Chris and I had seperate carts because we were also doing some shopping so I was taking the 5 kiddos with me to choose the ice cream and he was picking up the practical items. Me and my five kiddos were traveling together to the back of the store when passed by a man and his wife/girlfriend and his eyes just kind of looked me over with the kids. I just smiled as I passed and didn't really think anything of it. Meanwhile Chris is trailing behind us and when the guy comes up past him he hears the guy complaining about the woman with "5 freaking kids" she has "5 freaking kids". Now if Chris had been smart he would have quipped to the guy, "NO, she actally has 7!"
Do I have to many kids? We have 7 wonderful children in our his, mine, and ours bucket. Would I change having all these beautiful people? Kenneth is almost 23 and works for costco and is extremely talented in art. Keith is 20 and has an AA and leaving for CWU in a few weeks to be an accountant. He has over $15,000 saved for school after working full time the last couple of years so he doesn't have to take student loans. Kyle is 16 and a junior this year in high school. He Eagle Scout board of review is next week and then he will be officially an eagle scout. Brett is 10 and enjoys cub scouts, science, and being a good helper with our new baby. Ruby is 4 and is as smart as can be, Alora will be 3 tomorrow and she is so beautiful when she smiles and her eyes sparkle, and then we have little Ross who is 2 months and is named after his Uncle Ross, who would have turned 44 today. Ross has an engaging smile and loves to talk (if you knew Ross you totally understand that one!)
When I look at these kids, I can't imagine life without them. I think of the good they are and will do in this world. We are not welfare parents, we are not overpopulating the earth and we are not horrible people. We are two parents who are invested in our family. We prove this by living modestly, we do not recieve welfare. We prove this by holding weekly Family Home Evenings and Family Councils. We prove this by consistently having daily family prayer and scripture study. We prove this by paying our own medical insurance. We prove this by giving our children chores and teaching them the value of work. We prove this by teaching them correct principles and how to stand by them.
YES, I HAVE 7 FREAKING CHILDREN!!!!! AND YOU SHOULD BE GLAD I DO.
Do I have to many kids? We have 7 wonderful children in our his, mine, and ours bucket. Would I change having all these beautiful people? Kenneth is almost 23 and works for costco and is extremely talented in art. Keith is 20 and has an AA and leaving for CWU in a few weeks to be an accountant. He has over $15,000 saved for school after working full time the last couple of years so he doesn't have to take student loans. Kyle is 16 and a junior this year in high school. He Eagle Scout board of review is next week and then he will be officially an eagle scout. Brett is 10 and enjoys cub scouts, science, and being a good helper with our new baby. Ruby is 4 and is as smart as can be, Alora will be 3 tomorrow and she is so beautiful when she smiles and her eyes sparkle, and then we have little Ross who is 2 months and is named after his Uncle Ross, who would have turned 44 today. Ross has an engaging smile and loves to talk (if you knew Ross you totally understand that one!)
When I look at these kids, I can't imagine life without them. I think of the good they are and will do in this world. We are not welfare parents, we are not overpopulating the earth and we are not horrible people. We are two parents who are invested in our family. We prove this by living modestly, we do not recieve welfare. We prove this by holding weekly Family Home Evenings and Family Councils. We prove this by consistently having daily family prayer and scripture study. We prove this by paying our own medical insurance. We prove this by giving our children chores and teaching them the value of work. We prove this by teaching them correct principles and how to stand by them.
YES, I HAVE 7 FREAKING CHILDREN!!!!! AND YOU SHOULD BE GLAD I DO.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Am I just insane?
So here I am, 15 weeks pregnant with my sixth child and I am wondering how did this happen. I mean, I know how "it happened" but I swear never in my dreams did I ever believe I would be the mother to six children and a step son. Currently my kids' ages range from 20 years to 2 years. If feels like all I have done with my entire life is mother children. I was hoping to get to that point where you send the kids of to school and do whatever you want. Oh well, I will just have to enjoy the little things in life like Ruby refusing to wear anything but a dress, Alora dumping out the crayons and drawing on anything she can find, and shortly listening to the cry of a newborn baby every two hours. Life unexpected sometimes is the greatest.
Monday, March 7, 2011
IT'S ONLY 10:05AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So here it is only 10:05am and already this is my day. Ruby got into my scrapbook stuff on the table while I was cleaning up breakfast. She was happily cutting and stickering away on the props I was making for my new calling at church (primary music leader). After saving my supplies, my "mommy sense" started tingling and I found Alora in the bathroom with cups dipping into the toilet. There was water everywhere and I am pretty sure she ingested some, so now wondering if I should call poisen control. I grabbed Alora and got her changed, cause she was soaked, and then came downstairs to find Ruby dumping the DVD's off the shelf again. So I gave the girls some crackers to help keep them distracted as I moved the DVD's to a new location. Well that was a mistake. Came back to crackers all over the carpet and had to vacuum. While I was vacuuming the girls went upstairs (I had told Ruby to get dressed). Ruby was jumping on my bed and Alora was in my bathroom doing, yep you guessed it, playing in toilet water. So another clothing change later we are now downstairs and I am typing this while they are fighting over toys and watching the movie "Cars". I am exhausted and it's now only 10:13AM!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
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